Thursday, March 31, 2011

I want to clear up valley walker

I have a dear niece, named Emily Robertson. She lives in Germany with her GI hubby
and 2 children. When she heard of my illness, and diagnosis, she reminded my I was
a valley walker, and not a valley dweller. God gets us thru the valleys, but he
certainly doesn't intend me to wallow in the valley, hang out there, pitch a tent,
and wait to die. I have to keep walking thru this valley. With the help of him, or the
friends he's sent along my way, my family, whoever, I just have to keep valley walking.
So I wanted to clear up the name. Thank you, sweet Emily for the reminder. I needed it.
I love you, aunt becky

What a funny day

Today was a funny day. I was taken down to see if radiology was an option for
me. Still not sure if it is, but I am praying and hopeful. What made the day
funny, was there was a class on make up and skin care, I wanted to be at the
Class, but if I wasn't there, I didn't get the free stuff. All I managed to do
Before the class, was go get my first ever tattoos. Apparently, they are needed
For radiation. When they got done, I had to wait for transport to bring me back,
and if they would hurry, I would get the free stuff. I am discovering I am
getting impatient about some things, and sitting and waiting gets on my last nerve.
Finally, I told them I was dying, and didn't have time to wait, so let's get
this show on the road. Well, they hurried up then. Believe me, I don't feel bad about
Rushing things for the right reason. They got me to the class on time, I got the free
Goodies. One funny thing they gave me was mascara. Then they tell me my eyelashes will
fall out. Wonderif I could paint on bambi eyelashes. This could be a real adventure!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Another day

Today, it has been confirmed I have small cell carcinoma. This means I am going to die. I
would love to tell you I am facing this with courage and dignity, but the truth is I am
facing this with fear, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. I am not going willingly. I am a
Christ Follower, so tho I am not afraid to die and go be with my Lord, Savior, and Creator,
It is more important to me to be a mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, and
friend. It is important to me to be in church, go back to work, even part time, watch my
Garden come up and make vegetables, and take the grandkids to six flags. What I do know, is that God didn't make me sick. He didn't give me this dreaded decease, and He is here to carry
Me when I cannot carry myself. I have given my testimony at churches and told them how good
God is. I still plan to give my testimony, reminding them how good he still is. Keep praying
For me. I still need it. I need a peaceful night, or just a peaceful minute. Love to you all
Keep the faith

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Today, I am terrified

I am a person who has finally gotten my life at a place I love it. 
I have 4 grown children, who do not always like me, but they 
Always love me. I have 10 grandchildren. 5 of them think I hung the 
moon, and the other 5, well, just give them time. They are too little
yet, but with enough time, and a cookie trail to the moon, I will 
become the all time favorite. I work at the Home Depot, and this 
place has been a second home to me. I have made many life long friends, 
and at this point, we will see how long that life is. My favorite place, 
is my home. I live with my bestest friend, Cheryl, and 2 great foster
sons, Dennis and Matt, and their whole slew of friends. My life is busy. 
This month, I was diagnosed with cancer. The first diagnoses was
left lung and 16 lymph nodes- small cell carcinoma. No cure, I will
die, but let's see what we can do to prolong my life. Hmmm.. Can't 
I have door number 3? I have a sister who is a cancer survivor. 
I have always admired her courage and extreme guts to face this head
on. Today, I doubt my own courage. Oh, by the way...sorry I mentioned
this last. People that know me know this first about me. I am a Christ
Follower. I go where he sends me, where he leads, but today, I wonder
if he's sidetracked. Maybe he's having steering trouble with the 
boat. I have many times offered to stear the boat for him, but so
far, he's turned me down. I think he's turned me down again, but I 
Still had to ask. Pray for me. Please. Pray for peace right now. 
That is my struggle today.