It's amazing how my life changes.

It's funny how things change.

Miracles happen

What a great and mighty God I serve! I have been told I look pretty good for a dead woman. And I have to agree. I thought that statement best summarized my sickness. For a person that never should have lived to see April, 2011, I am still here. I told God I had to live until october so I could see my 11th grandchild born. God honored that, and Piper Jolene was born perfect and beautiful. Then I asked God to let me live to be older than 55. I turned 56 in Nov. Then I asked God to let me make it thru the holidays, and what a great holiday it was. I was the most grateful to be here for this Christmas than I had ever been in my life. now I have asked God to let me live until March. This will be the I year mark from my diagnosis. Then in may, my oldest granddaughter graduates from college with a degree in forensics. I have to be there to see her walk across that OSU stage. The truth is, I don't have time to die. I have told God that, and he seems to understand. With my type of aggressive cancer, I have scans quite often. In nov, my scan showed spots back on my lungs, and a cluster of "something" at the base of my esophagus. I was in ICU, and also had pneumonia. I had another scan done the end of last week. Tho I feel great, and was fairly positive, still Satan would whisper doubt in my ear. I held firmly to Gods promises, and was reminded of the healing blood of Jesus, and believe me, I clung to that! Today, I got scab results. Every spot has disappeared, except the one spot at the base of my esophagus, which is actually in a lymph node, pressing against the esophagus. The spot has grown from 1.1 cm to 1.8 cm. I'm no dr, but to me, that doesn't seem like much growth. The dr is not even sure it is cancer. He said it could be an infection. Here is what I do know. I feel great. No pain, no shortness of breath, and ready to live all my days serving the God who created me. I love that, it makes me seem so special. I can make a cake, but if I create a cake, you can bet I would put my all in it. See how good God is? He didn't just make me, He created me. He formed me when I was still in my mothers womb. God doesn't need me in heaven. He needs me here, and I will spend the rest of my days serving my God. I actually believe I am getting very close to returning to work, part time. That is a miracle. Today I am so grateful. I am so thankful to be alive. I am grateful for no pain, easy breathing, and so many people who have prayed, and continue to pray. Don't stop praying. For people who have doubted the power of prayer, I am your example that it works. I had a person tell me he had doubted God was still in the miracle business. He is a "show me" person. He told me tonight, God showed him a miracle because of what he has done for me. This man is my youngest son. He said he will never doubt miracles again. Keep praying. Keep the faith. And keep lifting me up. God is listening. Becky

Christmas Eve

It's Christmas Eve, and I cannot believe I am still on earth. God, in all his mercy and grace, has left me here way longer than predicted by the drs. And to top everything off, I feel great! For as sick as I've been in the last 9 months, it is a miracle, for sure. But of course, God is still in the miracle business. I am so blessed. So this Christmas, I will face it with a childlike awe I haven't known since I was very small. The awe that God, my Creator, loves me enough to care about what I want. That I wanted to live long enough to see my 11th grandchild born (she was born in Oct), that I wanted to live to be older than 55 (I turned 56 in nov), and that I wanted to spend Christmas with my family. My goals (wants) keep changing. Now my goal/wish is to be at Chelsea's college graduation. Which is in May. After spending a wonderful couple of days with my son and family, I will go to my daughters and stay the night with her, James, and 5 more grandkids. So today, my life is good. I will go to the Christmas Eve Service at church to spend time with my God. I will reflect of not only what God has done for me, but sent His own Son to pay the ultimate price for my eternity with Him. As a person with a terminal disease, I am beginning to understand the sacrifice of death, without, of course, all the pain and torture Christ endured, just to pay for MY sin. I am grateful for everyday I am given on Earth. I know it is a gift from God. Keep praying for me. I am still fighting this thing. And I will continue to fight, until God tells me to stop and come on home. So this Christmas eve of 2011, I know I am blessed beyond measure. I pray your Christmas is just as blessed. Keep the faith. Becky

Being happy

It's amazing what cancer can do. It has crippled my body, mind, and I hate to admit it, but somehow I allowed it to cripple me spiritually. How sad is that!! since march, I have felt sick, nauseated beyond belief, weak from extreme fatigue, been to ICU twice, once on a ventilator, and thru all that, all I had was my faith in my creator to hold on to. About a month ago, I was back in ICU, not expected to pull thru. Physically, I was unconscious, or out of my head. Not sure which. What was going on in my head, was I was in such a dark place, I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. I knew I was hanging somewhere between heaven and earth. I knew I was in a spiritual battle, and all I could hear was my brother, mikes, voice saying over and over again, "don't you dare die on me". I also knew, somehow, the devil was fighting God, or his angels for my life. I also knew Satan could kill me, but I knew he couldn't take my soul. Not sure how I knew these things, but I did know. As I cried out to God, I knew to follow the voice of my brother, mike. I knew his voice would lead me out. Mike just kept saying, over and over, "don't you dare die on me". I fought hard. Very hard. I don't know if it was days or hours, but I did come out. I had been told of all the crazy things I did. I have no memory of it. But I do remember my fight. And I give God all the glory! Now, I said all that, to say this. When I came home from the hospital, I was weak. So I would get out of my bed, go to my recliner, and sit until bedtime. But as my strength increased, I found I was doing the same thing. Bed, recliner, bed. What kind of a life is that? All I was doing was sitting around, feeling sorry for myself. Since I believe God fought to keep me here, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to do anything for Him. I have always believed happiness is a choice. So I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, get up, be happy, and get about my Fathers business. My friend, Richard, is starting a Celebrate Recovery in Lewisville. A group of us went to that church today to hear Richard preach an awesome service on Celebrate Recovery. Jan 4th is their kick off, and I intend to be there to see if I can be some help. I have been reminded that when I am giving to others, gives me less time to focus on, and feel sorry for myself. So now, I just have to keep praying God will show me where he can use me, and pray the next time I sit down for a pity party, He will slap me upside the head. What a ride I've been on since March. I've gone from weeks to live, and still here. Praise God for it. I understand that as long as I live, any treatment will not be fun. But God will be by my side. He's gone this far with me, and I have every confidence He will go the rest of the way, until He leads me to Heaven. Keep praying. I truly believe that is why God has kept me alive this long. Keep the faith. Becky

I fell

About a month ago, I fell in the bathtub. Kind of a side effect from Lambert-eaton, and weak legs and arms. I hit my shoulder, and tho I didn't bruise, I was sore, but thought it would be ok. A week goes by, and it just gets worse. Went in for x-rays, they show nothing. Over the next 2 weeks, it progressively gets worse. Back to the dr, x-rays, nothing. Went in for brain radiation, and we all know how that turned out. While in hospital, arm hurting beyond belief, so they x-rayed, never heard anything. Had a ct scan done, and that showed torn rotator cuff and twisted nerves. Ortho guy talking surgery, and I'm trying to get it scheduled before end of the year. Then Cheryl had a thought. Maybe I should check with oncologist and make sure it was ok. Didn't think of that. The only thing about surgery that scared me was when they attempted to do the bronchospy I woke up in ICU on a ventilator. So I called the oncologist, talked about surgery on rotator cuff, and the reply was "no way". If I would have let them cut me, the cancer would have spread. Thank you, Cheryl for thinking of such things. I never would have. I am scheduled for a PET scan after Christmas. I am praying for good results. I am praying for my health, a good Christmas, and help with medical bills. Not for this year, but next. Keep praying, and keep the faith. Becky

A good day

Today has been a good day. I have to say my first good day in a long time, very long time. Not because I especially feel better, not because I suddenly don't have cancer, I still do. But it's because I decided to have a good day. I have believed happiness is a choice, and today I made the decision to make it a good day. I got out of the house, smelled the fresh air. Went to walmart and WALKED. Miracle, huh. All the books or articles I have read on cancer says "don't stop exercising. Well, I never really exercised, but I would walk to the moon and back helping customers at Home Depot. Due to lambert-eaton, I could not walk very well. The clinical trial drug I take helps alot. So I walked. Tomorrow night, I am going to the Home Depot Christmas party. That should be fun. I'm a little intimidated because I look way different with cancer than without. But it will be fun. I will just be happy to be around my Home Depot family. I cannot believe that 2 weeks ago I was in ICU, fighting for my life, literally, and tomorrow I'm going to a party. Thank you Lord for giving me more time. According to my drs in march this year, I should be dead by now. Long gone. But glory to God, I'm still here, plus I just refuse to go yet. I'm anxious for Christmas, seeing my kids and grandkids, eating too much food, and giving gifts. I'm anxious to celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior, and to see what comes next. In march, will be a year since diagnosed. Keep praying. Dont stop. Don't give up on me, cuz I'm fighting. Keep the faith. Becky