Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I know I haven't blogged in awhile, but the truth is, I have been too tired. Too tired to blog, too tired to collect my thoughts, too tired to go much of anywhere. I am beginning to realize how weak I am and how strong God really is. I always thought of myself as a strong person, but no more, and that is depressing. I moved in with my daughter and son in law a few weeks ago. I have done it kicking and screaming. Just ask the kids, they will tell you. I haven't always been nice. This move has been hard, but the hardest part has been giving up my independence. Not like I've had my own independence for awhile. I was dependent on Cheryl and she rose to the occasion. I could not ask for a better friend. So today, I am living with the kids, and realizing how dependent I really am. I feel my life coming to a close. My legs don't work, so I use a walker. Taking a bath is hard, getting comfortable enough to sleep is hard, even eating is hard. Lambert-Eaton has caused my left hand to shake so bad, I don't dare use it. The neurologist said from my legs,the disease will effect my arms then my throat. I won't be able to swallow. I don't know when that will happen. What I do know is that my faith is not shaken. I love the Lord and I will go where He sends me, even if I do it on 2 wobbly legs with a walker. Today, I am grateful to be alive. I am happy to feel the sun on my face and grateful to smell tacos cooking. :) I am thankful to feel anything. It means I'm still alive. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid to die. I know who my redeemer is. I just pray when the day comes I stand before the Lord, He says "well done, my good and faithful servant". That is my prayer. Also, pray for my daughter and son in law. If I were them, I wouldn't put up with me. Keep the faith and keep praying. Becky