It's amazing what happens when a person is first diagnosed with cancer. At first, it's all you think about. It is in your face like a banner, and you can't see over it, around it, or thru it, and you just know you will never feel happiness or laughter again. Then they decide the best way to treat you. Now, I would really get that, or maybe should say I would have a happier attitude about it if I knew all the torture they can think of would save my life. But they tell me they cannot save my life, just prolong it. well, I guess that beats a blank, but you do not know how I wish, hope and pray they could save my life. Since I've had my last chemo, I am feeling better and better every day. Many times I feel so good, I forget I have terminal cancer. The drs are going to do a scan in a few weeks. If the scan shows I'm cancer free, then we move toward 10 brain radiations. If the scan shows cancer, we start all over again. I don't like either of these choices, can I have door number 3? So I hang on to God. I just hang on. I am grateful for each day. I am thankful that Riley likes to cuddle, and Brystol makes me laugh out loud every time I look at her picture posing with her seashell. I cannot die yet, I may miss something. Call me in denial, but just what if I don't go? What if I just don't die? Maybe I just won't accept that and do what I want. Something to think about...wonder what God would think about that?