What a weekend

I go tomorrow for my scans. These are the scans that tell me whether the cancer is still here, in which case I start chemo all over again. If it's gone, I get ready for the 10 brain radiations. Either way kind of sucks. I don't like either of the choices. This alone is a lot of stress. And some silly Dr told me to keep my life as stress free as possible. Oh pa-lease! Now we add to this that I have family members that I love nipping at each other. This one is not allowed over here, the other ones are not allowed over there, I am not allowed to get family members around the wrong ones or I'm in trouble. Good Lord. I am at a loss for words. Honestly, due to the turmoil, I have about decided to just take the easier road ( I am doing the less stressful thing) and I have pretty much decided not to have the brain radiation. Just let whatever happens, happens. I was actually told this week, that because of something that happened 10 years ago, one family member has decided not to see the other again. 10 freaking years ago! But the thought of not seeing this person didn't dawn on him, until he had been done that way by another family member. So if the truth be told, I may not do chemo either. I will decide that when the time comes. Some things in life, I just do not understand. Some things are just hard for me to grasp. I understand boundary setting, but unforgiveness is something I have a hard time with. After the 10 years of unforgiveness, I am at a loss. These decisions are mine. Chemo causes me to be exhausting, nauseating, cause mouth blisters, give me diarrhea,depression, chemo brain, and all for what? Not so sure any more. So I guess tomorrow is a day to find out how much longer I have. Now off that subject, I went to Tulsa to try to help my brothers move Mike into his new-to-him house. It is so cool, and so perfect for him. He is 5 blocks from town, but it feels like he lives in the country. He even has a real chicken house, and plans to get chickens. He has pecan trees everywhere, so I told him I wanted a big box of pecans for Christmas. his house has 2 bedrooms and 2 baths. A big workshop out back, and since both of my brothers are good at woodworking, this will become the official shop. I am excited for both of them, (and my sweet sister-in-law gets her garage back). So it has been a great, but tiring weekend. Glad to be home. Think I will shower and go to bed. Pray for tomorrow. I'm good either way. Maybe I'm just tired of fighting. God will sort it out becky