Until today, I have always felt I had choices in life. I could choose to eat, or not. I
could choose to work, or not. I could choose to marry or not. I cauld choose to take
A vacation, or not. I could choose to follow God, or not. I could choose to do any
Darn thing I wanted, or not, and I would reap the benefits or suffer the consequences
of whatever decision I had made. Today, I feel like I have lost all my choices, and
There is not one thing I can do about it. Today, my hair is gone. What little is left
The minute I step out in the wind, it blows away as if I were never here at all. It is like
I am slowly disappearing, and would it ever have made a difference that I was here at all? I was told in the hospital, I would loose my hair, and I really thought I would be ok with it. To make it less traumatic, my awesome hairdresser came to the hospital and cut it short. After
I got out of the hospital, I went back to the awesome hairdresser and she cut it even shorter
So I would have less to loose. I really, really thought I would be ok with this. In the big
Scheme of things, what is hair? I have truly thought it was not so much. But I was wrong. Today, it feels like all my choices are being taken away. Today, it feels like I am being blown away with the wind, and deep inside, I have to wonder if me being here has made any possible difference. I am very aware that today I am feeling sorry for myself. Today I know I am just sad and tomorrow will be another day. Today I know my courage and faith will return and today is just tough. Maybe sometimes, I am entitled to these days, but it somehow just
Doesn't feel that way. I want my being here to have made a difference. I want to live and most
days I believe with the help and healing of the God I serve, I cam beat this thing. It is just
today, I feel my choices are gone....I hate this
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2 comments:
I can say that you have made a HUGE difference in my life!!! I'm glad I know you!!!
Much love,
Richard
Aunt becky i just want you to know i love you so very much, i know many of years have went by that we havent got to see each other, and my mom and dad may of got divorce along time ago but you have never stopped being family to me, you have always been my aunt becky just like uncle william will always be my uncle william theres just no way around it i have known you all since i was a wee lil thing, what i am tying to get at is you have always been an inspiration in my eyes and i have always looked up to you, you have always kicked lifes butt when it came tormenting you and i know you have been through alot in life, but you never gave up, You are an ANGEL in my eyes aunt becky you know god talks to us you know he says its okay to be tired its okay aunt becky its okay to be scared you are intitled to that have you ever read the poem footprints in the sand, god says when your tired he will carry you aunt becky so its okay to be tired in your life you let him carry you, its OKAY!!!! I love you, you have helped alot of peoples in this life rather you know it or not i wish you were still around going to the celebrate recovery i never will forget that...god bless you!!!
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