Faith and hope

When I first became ill, my daughter brought me a book called "Hope". Now, the truth is, I could and do have faith in God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, but in my heart, I had (and sometimes still do) have little room for hope. I have never just put the book away, not to read it. I have left it out, in my way, purposely, knowing I was supposed to pick it up. Just not yet, or a hit and miss. Another thing I hate to admit, is even tho I know with all my heart the Bible is true, every word, sometimes I just kind of skim over some words because I dont quite see how they pertain to me at the moment. I look at the words and passage I feel do pertain to me. Or passages I don't understand, rather than dig a little deeper for the meaning, I also skim over. As most of you know, this has been my weepiest week yet. So very hard emotionally. I think it is this way because physically, I don't know how much longer I can keep putting one foot in front of the other. This morning, as I was reading, I was reminded in John 10:28, that God said "you are mine. I bought you with a price, and you are precious to me. No one and nothing can snatch you from my hand". Now I have read that scripture I don't know how many times in my life, but somehow today, it is just different. I have known I am Gods, I have known I was bought with a price, but today, I needed to hear I am precious to Him. Come on, really? Precious? Then as I read on in 1 Peter:5,6 the scripture reads to serve each other with humility. " God sets himself against the proud, but he shows favor to the humble. So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honor you. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you.". Now I love this scripture, except for the part that reads, " and in his good time he will honor you. I want it to be in MY good time, because I think everything is about me. But I guess if I want the "give all your worries and cares to Him for he cares about what happens to you, I have to accept the " in his good time part. So today, I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful I am a child of Gods, I am grateful for the healing he is doing in my body. Maybe I just need to work on the "my will vs Gods will thing.". Just sayin...Becky