Joy?

For those that have heard my testimony, or know me and my siblings on a more intimate level, you would know we did not have a good childhood. I have always said that if any of us wrote a book on our childhood, it would be titled "I was Potty Trained at Gunpoint". Now I say that to be funny, but there is some truth to it. As we grew into adulthood, we all made different choices in life. Some became more successful than others. Now I say that, but I'm not sure who decides that. But what we have and always had is a bond with each other that only pain can bring. So somewhere, speaking only for myself, I have to know all that pain of growing up in an alcoholic, abusive home had meaning. That something good came out of it. I know for me, after Mama left and eventually divorced Daddy, I learned faith. Mama taught me to have faith. Many times, things were so hard, but Mama would tell us faith was all we needed. Now at 16, and not having a relationship with God, I didn't get it. I thought honestly what we needed was just a little food in the fridge, something more than an onion and a jar of mayonnaise. This morning, I was reading James 1:1-4. It reads," whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." Now see, this is one of those scriptures I was talking about yesterday. Let it be an opportunity for joy. Joy? Not sure I like that word. I mean, why didn't James say, opportunity for growth, or prayer, or get ready cuz it's coming? No, oh no, he had to use the word joy. In my childhood, or teenage years, joy would NEVER have been the woud I would have used. I cried too many tears for that. But today, I will give in to the word Joy. Now I can see that as teens and young adults, our faith was tested over and over, and our endurance most certainly did grow. I don't know if the rest of the scripture is true for me just yet, the part that reads "when my strength is fully developed". But I know it is forever developing, the scripture reads "I will be strong in character and ready for anything". With my terminal cancer diagnosis, I had better be ready for anything. I know God did not cause our childhood to be so bad, but I know He used it to build us up and give us strength. Likewise, I know God did not give me cancer. I did that on all by myself. I smoked way too long. What did I think would happen? While at the waterpark with my daughter yesterday, we were talking about this time last year. We were on a 5800 mile road trip, me personally having the best vacation of my entire life, and all the while, not knowing what laid ahead. I am sure the cancer was there, I just had no symptoms yet. What a difference a year makes. So today, I will let this be an opportunity for joy, even tho I just think I would have written it differently. Of course you've noticed there is no Book of Becky in the Bible, since God didn't ask me. That being said, I guess I have to go with His word-Joy. Today, I will let it be an opportunity for joy, my faith will be tested, and my endurance will grow, then I can know I will be strong in character, and God and I will be ready for anything. Yes, I said anything. Keep praying for me. I still believe in miracles. Becky