Pastor Mike and prayer

Today is still a weird/sad day. No particular reason, I'm still thinking it is because drs keep changing my meds around, and I've not adjusted yet. But I woke up this morning thinking about what Pastor Mike preached on Sunday. It was about prayer and why we should pray. Also, as Christians, we are called to pray. I have discovered lately, I am having a hard time praying. I am afraid "my will" and "Gods will" for my life are not the same. When Jesus gave the example of how to pray in the Lords prayer, it says even there, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. There again, thy will be done, not Becky's will be done. Now the strange part is, I do not feel I have moved away from God, or quit loving Him, I am just having a hard time praying for myself and healing. Now one thing I did find interesting in my study this morning, in Luke 11, it talks about a man that knocked on a fellows door late at night and asked fo a loaf of bread. The dude told him it was late, and to go away. But he didn't, he kept knocking and knocking until finally the dude got up and gave him what he wanted ( ok, I'm paraphrasing, it doesn't say dude in the Bible). Jesus goes on to say if you keep asking, you will be given what you asked for, if you keep looking, you will find, and if you keep knocking the door will be opened. I know that I am a child of Gods. I know he wants me to pray. But my prayers come out with me screaching to the top of my lungs, "do this my way". I guess I am afraid if I accept Gods will in the matter of my sickness, I will be giving up my will to fight to live. My will is to live, my will is to spend time with my children and grandchildren, my will is to spend time with my friends, attend church, sit on my patio very early listening to the birds. My will is to hold this new grandbaby coming in October- number 11, by the way. My will is to live long enough all of my gramdchildren will have awesome memories of me. But, it may not be Gods will. And since at this point I don't know what Gods will is, it is just hard for me to pray. I really wish Pastor Mike hadn't preached on this on Sunday, because now I have to deal with it. Oh, I have no doubt he did just what God told him to, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I know there is an answer to this dilima,