Today, I am terrified

I am a person who has finally gotten my life at a place I love it. 
I have 4 grown children, who do not always like me, but they 
Always love me. I have 10 grandchildren. 5 of them think I hung the 
moon, and the other 5, well, just give them time. They are too little
yet, but with enough time, and a cookie trail to the moon, I will 
become the all time favorite. I work at the Home Depot, and this 
place has been a second home to me. I have made many life long friends, 
and at this point, we will see how long that life is. My favorite place, 
is my home. I live with my bestest friend, Cheryl, and 2 great foster
sons, Dennis and Matt, and their whole slew of friends. My life is busy. 
This month, I was diagnosed with cancer. The first diagnoses was
left lung and 16 lymph nodes- small cell carcinoma. No cure, I will
die, but let's see what we can do to prolong my life. Hmmm.. Can't 
I have door number 3? I have a sister who is a cancer survivor. 
I have always admired her courage and extreme guts to face this head
on. Today, I doubt my own courage. Oh, by the way...sorry I mentioned
this last. People that know me know this first about me. I am a Christ
Follower. I go where he sends me, where he leads, but today, I wonder
if he's sidetracked. Maybe he's having steering trouble with the 
boat. I have many times offered to stear the boat for him, but so
far, he's turned me down. I think he's turned me down again, but I 
Still had to ask. Pray for me. Please. Pray for peace right now. 
That is my struggle today.