I'm a southern woman

I was born in Corpus Christi, Tx, and raised between Corpus and Mexico. I am definitely a southern woman. I understand English, but in reality, I speak and understand Southern English. For those that do not understand the difference, we double the silibles in every word we speak. We can draw a word out until you think there is no end to it. I honestly have a hard time understanding words northerners say. They speak too fast for my southern ear. We also have our own words. For instance, if someone says come over for dinner, I will be there at noon. If they wanted me for the night meal, they should have clarified and said supper. Once, years ago, I lived in Maryland. I worked in a store, and as I was taught in the south, I greeted everyone that came in the door. I got scowls back. No words. One day, a man came in and asked me for singles. Singles? I had no single people for sell. He could see I was puzzled. As if I was deaf and slow, he loudly repeated, "CAN YOU GIVE Me 5 $1.00 BILLS?". Oh, why didnt he say that in the first place? Then I had a man come in, I rang him up, and he asked me for a poke. A poke? A poke? Finally, I asked, "Sir, where you you like me to poke you?". Now he's puzzled. He points to my bags on the counter, and says, this, only bigger. What didn't he just ask for a bag in the first place. However, a month or so later, I asked a gentleman if he wanted a bag. He said, "a bag? No I have one of those sitting on the front seat of my car.". I looked out and saw his wife, at that point, I really wanted to give him my kind of poke. Then I asked a customer if he had gas. His says, yeah, but I let it out soft and quiet. Can you smell it? Oh Lord have mercy. I didn't do too well living up north. I was telling my dear northern friend we also have an expression. It is Bless their heart. When we are sitting around talking, we can trash anyone, and if we follow it with bless her heart, then we are ok. We can gossip, bad mouth, what ever, and even tho that is unacceptable, as long as you follow it with "bless her heart", you are ok. Wow, have you seen how fat she has gotten? I'll bet her rear is 2 axe handles and a snuff box wide.....bless her heart. Or "did you know he gambles away all his money and is mean to his wife and kids...bless their heart.". And for gosh sakes, if you are visiting any northern state, do not say, over yonder, y'all, or tump it over. People look at you like you are from another planet. And please don't say "jeet", which is Texan for " did you eat.". I love the south. I love beans and potatoes, cornbread, biscuits and sausage gravy, peach cobbler, and sweet tea. I love black eyed peas, and steamed cabbage, watermelon, and homemade ice cream. Now, Texas gets so hot in the summer, you can hear your brain sizzling in your head when you go outside, but at least here, people understand my southern tongue. Today, I am blessed. I woke up today, feel pretty good, and a great day for praising God. I am also thankful he let me be a southern woman, where I understand the language, and love the morals instilled in us to make us proper southern women. Women of God. Women of integrity, where our word counts for something, we are only as good as our word. We are taught to love God, our country and those that served for our freedom, and most of us own guns. I will quit rambling. My uncle Ray always told me that when I die, they were gonna have to beat my tongue to death. I'll bet that will be true. Keep praying, and keep the faith. Becky