The poet, Anne Sexton, once wrote, "It doesn't matter who my father was, what matters is who I remember he was.". For those who have heard my testimony, know I repeat these words. My Dad raised us in the same little town he was raised iin. He and my Mom, both owned their own businesses, they were well respected in the community, and everyone knew them. When we would get out of line, my parents were called before we got home. What people didn't know was behind closed doors, alone with my dad, he was just a mean drunk that loved only himself. Us kids were a burden. He never once told me he loved me. I think about Anne Sextons words alot. I guess it doesn't matter who I am, it will be how you remember I am. I have made so many mistakes in my life, especially with my children. I had all 4 by the time I was 21. Can you imagine my immaturity and stupidness?? And here I was trying to raise kids when I was just a baby myself. The main thing I'm grateful for is it appears they have forgiven me. And much sooner than I forgave my Dad. My children are incredible adults, and I take no credit for it. God did it, in spite of me. My youngest daughter lead me to Christ when she was 16. That is a miracle because I blamed God for everything wrong in my life. Today, I take full blame for my cancer. I made the decision to smoke, not God. So as I think about Anne Sextons words, I think about everyone that knows me. At 56, I am blessed with many people that love and care about me. But I don't think you would have felt the same when I was 26. I have always had a big heart, and tried to help people, but I have had my kids hurt in the process. I have often wondered what I could have possibly been thinking, because, today, I would like to think I would do different. But I cannot even honestly say that. For the last few months, we have tried to help a family. The adult did some things that were wrong. I didn't judge that, but what I did get hurt at was that I was lied to, and even got the cohort to lie to me. Finally, the cohort felt guilty, and told me the truth. The adult staying here, still continues to lie. I asked her to leave my home. I was/am so hurt that I was lied to. So have I really changed? I'm not sure. It has given me much to think about. I think I would still fall for nonsense. I can hope I would be remembered for someone who tried to help others, but I could also be remembered as a smuck. As my life is coming to a close, I pray I will be remembered as a person who loves others, tried to share my faith and my Savior. But most important, I pray God will see it that way. I was only given one life. I sure messed it up on occasion, ok, maybe alot. But the last many years, I have prayed people would see Christ in me. I knew I would be offended if someone had to ask if I was a Christ Follower. They should be able to see it in my life. So today, I'm grateful. Grateful God gave me another day. Grateful for friends, my workers, my family, and just love from others. God is amazing!! I serve a God that loves me, and cares about me. Even every minute aspect of my life. What love. I am still in awe of the God I serve. Keep praying, and keep the faith. I am. Becky