I'm a bury my head in the sand person. Not that I am content with my rearend in the air, or want to leave myself vulnerable. Its just that having my last child, I learned if i dont think I'll like the answer, I just dont ask. This is one of those times. I have always known my cancer is terminal, that I only have X amount of time. But I really try to not think about that. I've done more in the last year, than I ever would have done,had I not been sick. It has taken this year to strengthen my relationship with God. Why wasn't it strengthened before? I think because I was so used to working, striving for the bigger, better things. I put my hope in the comfort things brought. Not God. So now, we're down to it. My sister, Ruby, is a hospice nurse. She has been one for 20'years. My daughter, Amanda and I have had some questions about hospice, and what is provided in Texas. My sister lives in Kansas, so things could vary from state to state. We had our "meeting" last night, and it was hard. Emotionally. It was my death they were discussing, it was me that needed hospice, it is me, that is going to die. And I suddenly had to leave the room for a time, because I just needed to cry. Finally, I was able to come back in. I had to think with my head, not my heart. I needed to get comfortable with head thinking, not heart thinking. Once I was able to do that, I could contribute to the conversation. Ever since I had my shot Sat am, I have been so fatigued,I wasn't really stay up. Just short spurts. Yesterday, I was able to stay up for awhile. So I guess that's getting better. I go back the week of the 29th, to start another chemo. After that, we do a scan to see if the Hell I've been thru, has been worth it. My sister asked me last night what or when needs to happen, for me to stop treatment. I serve a big God. I am waiting on him to tell me. I know when He tells me, he will tell my children also. I am so grateful to be a person who follows Christ. I know when I pass from this world to the next, I will have people waiting on me. I am so grateful God sent His only Son to open the door to heaven for me, and my loved ones before me, and loved ones after me. So, today, I'm grateful. For one thing, I woke up this morning. That is never a guarantee for any of us. I'm breathing unassisted. No oxygen. And I was able to get out of bed, on my own. Without falling down. It's funny the things I always took for granted. Not any more. I appreciate them all the more. Keep praying, thank you to my daughter and sister for arranging this meeting with hospice I couldn't have done it myself. Or maybe, wouldn't have done it myself. Remember, I'm a head in the sand with rear end sticking up. Thank the Lord for the people that love me enough to take care of me, especially when I give them a hard time. Keep the faith, Becky.