When my mom was sick.

When my mom was sick, she hated it that we had to take of her. We had to fix her plates, make sure she took her medicine correctly, made it to bed without falling down. We even had to help her out of her chair. She hated it. Now I'm hating it. I am close to the same place she was. Because I've had some confusion, now most everything I say is questioned. And I guess it should be. I have called my daughter 4 or more times to ask the same question, because I didn't remember the answer. But the problem with this for me, is I feel like I am becoming more of a burden, and I don't want to be a child. I want to be loved and respected as a mom and nanny. I know I get that, but I also know I have confusion, and I'm grateful to those willing to answer my questions a million times. I guess my fear is I'm slipping away, and all that will be left is a shell of the person I once was. This saddens me beyond belief. The dr will do a scan this week and decide if chemo or hospice is my best options. So today I'm just tired. I pray for relief from this. I love the Lord, and I know He's with me. I just do not want to be a burden, or dependent. I have already lost my independence, and that is a real lesson in humility. I hate humility. I hate not having control. I hate that I have to depend on others. I find it ironic this is what God has tried to teach my whole life. Trust Him, put my life in His hands. Lean on Him, and be dependent on Him. Ok, God, I get it, but it's still painful. I guess it's better to learn it now than never, but it still sucks. Keep praying