Today, I am sitting in a chair having poisons put in my body. It doesn't hurt, but like any poison, it makes me sick. I hate this. I really do. What makes it worse, is I did this to myself. I smoked too many years. This is my last shot at chemo. We've arranged a meeting with hospice, and I'm working as hard as I can to get my affairs in order. But that's not fast, cause I can't do anything fast. I remember, when my sister had cancer. I had no understanding of what she was going thru, since I had never had cancer. But I do remember her saying one time, if she would have known in advance what hell cancer treatment was, she never would have done it. She is now cancer free ...for 16? Years. Ruby, I can so relate. My end result is terminal. This morning, I was so tempted to just stop everything. My poor body is worn down. I was told if stopped treatment, I would be dead in a month. Yesterday was my and my husbands wedding anniversary. Every year I'm so sad on this day, but yesterday, I told him I would be with him soon. Now on to other things, I was told a year ago march, I had 2 weeks to live. I am a fighter, God instilled this in me. Maybe that's why I was potty trained at gun point. It taught me to be a fighter. But the one thing that has helped the most is I am a Christ Follower. He has given me over a year extra. Since then, I met my new granddaughters, Elleigh and Piper, had great times with my cousins at the cousins reunion, spent time with my children and grandchildren, and even a surprise trip to Disney thanks to my kids, James and Mandi. I have grown closer to God that I ever have. I certainly don't blame Him. I did this to myself. So I will keep going as long as God lets me put one foot in front of the other. I know Gods got this covered. He has helped me thru many sleepless nights, put people in my life to do my yard work, bring meals, donate money so I can pay for treatment, clean my house and do my laundry. I love these people for all they do. Thank you, Lord for sending them. My priorities have certainly changed. Life is not all about my job, how big of a house I have, or car. I have missed too many birthdays, outings with the family because I worked a job. So today, I'm grateful. I am worn, torn, and beaten down, but I'm still in the fight. Mama always said she had the hardest time getting me to go to sleep as a baby because I was afraid I would miss something. I guess it's still that way today. I can't die yet, I may miss something. As my friend, Sandra, always says to me " just keep swimming". Sandra I'm swimming. Keep praying, and keep the faith. Becky