Crazy love

I downloaded off of Kindle, and am now reading the book, Crazy Love. All I can say so far is ouch, ouch, ouch! The truth sure hurts. Many of you have heard me say, that my attitude can be "that it's all about me". This book makes it plain that nothing is about me, it is all about God. He loves me more than I can ever fathom, but it's not all about me. Its not about my will, but Gods will, and I still have to be willing to give that up, even when I fear our wills won't be the same. Ow, what a hard thing to do. It is especially hard when I am facing such an uncertain future. I want to live to be old, to be at grandchildrens weddings, to go back to work part time. But what if that is not Gods will. Am I willing to give up my own will for Gods? Hhmmmm.... Hard. But it shouldn't be hard. If I call myself a Christian, and I do, the answer should be easy. Maybe I feel a little like Jonah, running from God. Not for what he's asked me to do, but for what he MIGHT ask me to do. Ok, that is stupid, I admit. So my prayer tonight is that God will help me with this. Being willing to do His will, instead of mine, and to do it joyfully. To be willing to serve the Lord with gladness, in everything I do, whether pleasant or unpleasant. I guess that means during chemo, I should be grateful it is saving my life, instead if focusing on how sick it makes me. So, I'm learning. I am learning I have a ways to go in the Christianity dept. And I am also reminded that growth is sometimes painful. Keep the faith, becky